he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
