Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
