Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize