PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
