every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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