i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
