we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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