Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
