If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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