so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
