I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
