I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
