how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
