I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
