I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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