i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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