you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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