Nicole vs. Life
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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