drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
