shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
