Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
