Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
