you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
