The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
