I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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