If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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