Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
