he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
