Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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