this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
