You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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