Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
