I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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