I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
