I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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