Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
