Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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