OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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