I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
