we have officially lost it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
