Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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