My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
