It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
