i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯