he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea