I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.