Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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(559): View more from California

Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".

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(319): View more from Iowa

Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him

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(779): View more from Illinois

Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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(256): View more from Alabama

But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

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