I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
