this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
