the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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