I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
