I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
