So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
