Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
