i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
