A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
