Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...