Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
