First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
