so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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