I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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