I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
