It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
