He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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