I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
