The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
