"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
