I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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