I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
